I am sorry I haven’t posted. in 6 months… I wish I had an answer as to why I haven’t but.. I don’t. I really have felt like I was having more of an out of body experience than physically going through this life.
I thought I had a better handle on things. I thought that I was doing okay. I thought things were okay. I thought wrong.
I couldn’t have been more wrong. These past 6 months have been hard. Not impossible but hard. I have tried to push my miscarriage aside, but little things have popped up that takes me back. One word and I’m back to the struggle of trying to conceive. One Facebook announcement and I’m back to those 4 weeks when I was planning my post to tell the world. One conversation and I’m back to the pain losing my baby. One date and reminded that the dates don’t matter anymore. I don’t need to remember that in between graduation and 4th of July would have been my baby shower. I don’t need to know that as of right now, I would be less that 4 weeks from my due date, our nursery would be done and I’d be anxiously waiting her arrival. I don’t NEED to think about how uncomfortable I’d be because it is SO FREAKING HOT OUT.
I am trying to find myself in this crazy mess of a life I have going on right now. Things are not going as well as I had thought. I have decided I need to start writing more. We’ll see.